Oh My Tinder Heart
Fare The Well
Just when I get out… You pull me back in!! Oh, Tinder why
can’t I seem to quit you?
I had two more entries for my blog. I was going to tell you
about Milano the Italiano and how his greatest goal in life (Right now) is to
smell a black. Yep. That’s what he said ya’ll. He wanted to smell a black. I
figured English wasn’t his first language so I just assumed there was some sort
of language mishap but I wasn’t sure how to phrase the question. So I kept it
simple with an; Excuse me? I don’t understand.
We went back and forth a bit and I am sure you can all guess
what he meant when he said a black and what it was he was trying to smell.
(Eww)
In the name of international relations and being a member of
the global community I thought it my duty to explain to him that even if that
is his goal he may want to refrain from being so… direct. Cause you know I’m a
people person.
This is Tinder. No? He said.
Yes.
Then why not be direct.
My bad, I guess that is the culture here. Carry on.
So you let me smell?
Nope. Not my thing but I am sure if you keep swiping right
you’ll find someone to let you smell.
But I want you.
Nope. Happy swiping.
And for a time that was the end of Milano… For a time. About a week later he messaged me
again. He had had a couple of conversations with a few women but nothing had
really come full circle. But he was just contacting me to give me an update.
After about 10 minutes of back and forth of Milano telling me about his
adventures and me cracking a few jokes at his expense (How I do, cause you know
I can make friends no matter what) we said our goodbyes and I told him I would
be leaving the Tinderverse.
But my farewell was only momentary thanks to my dear friend
Jessica. Yeah, I’m calling her out!! It was Jessica. She told me that I could
give Tinder another chance but this time without the blog and with more
positive intentions. Cause I’m not going to put to much on it but it is
possible I was more interested in collecting fun stories than meeting a real
guy.
Since I like to think aside from my smart mouth and heavy
dose of sarcasm I am pretty descent lady and relatively good catch. So I
thought, yeah! I’ll give it a try. A real try. And that was when I met Jacob.
Oh crap I shouldn’t use his real name… Um… Let’s call him… J.
Okay… So I met J, he was a good-looking guy and his mini
profile description was… whatever. No red flags. Actually, let’s keep it real
he was a very good-looking guy. Otherwise why would I have swiped right? It
isn’t like you can really know someone in approximately 500 characters. That’s
just ridiculous. I really hate when people get on their high horse about how
important personality is. Geez, we all know personality and a bevy of other factors
are needed in order to establish a connection and then a relationship. But for
MOST people if they don’t at least like what they see a little bit they won’t
ever know they other stuff unless there are some outside influences. But I
digress.
Okay, so back to J. he asked me to tell him a bit about
myself. So rattle off a few random tid bits of information. My birthday just
passed and I had a blast celebrating. The last book I read. How hard laying
cement can be. Next trip I plan to take and the how many siblings I have. Then
it was his turn. He proceeded to explain to me how he was much better at more
direct communication and that there were so many things he could say that it
would just take to much time to tell me everything. Especially since he wanted to
be thorough and efficient.
My thought was, with all the energy it took to explain why
he couldn’t answer his own question he could have answered the question. But
with herculean effort I decided to be mindful of my new intentions and not say
anything sarcastic. I know… I know. You guys are proud of me. Thank you.
So in the spirit of understanding I asked if he wanted to
communicate more directly. He said yes so I gave him my number. He proceeded to
message me off and on throughout the day via the Tinder Ap. Hmmm… That’s odd,
but okay.
The next day he calls me while I am with my grandmother. In
his defense he didn’t know I was with my Gma and the only reason I even
answered the phone was because we had recently had a death in the family and
the call could have been important. More information he had no way of knowing.
But…
Here is the conversation:
Hello
Sherrie?
This is her, who is this?
Me.
Um… Me? Who is me?
(And I’m thinking, Me? Who the hell does that anymore. This
sounds like an adult. WTFrack)
Someone who peeked your interest recently.
What? Who is this?
(Dude! This dude is about to get the what for… and why is
his voice so nasally)
Who have been talking to that peeked your interest recently?
Look, I don’t know who this is so…
I know I peeked your interest earlier. You know who this is.
(Wait is this dude tryna get mad cause I don’t know who this
is… )
Well, there was a death in my family today so if I met you
prior to that I am probably not going to be able to recall you.
Oh, I’m sorry. My condolences. This is J.
It’s fine. You didn’t know. Can I call you another time? I
kind of need to focus.
Okay.
Ion know, something about him felt arrogant. And he did NOT
wait for me to contact him. But maybe I was feeling a little sensitive. But
wouldn’t you give someone a few days to busy their family member before you
reached out again? I mean I am not sure on the proper protocol if any for these
types of situations but it just seemed to me that a few days would be the best
way to proceed. (Kanye Shrug)
But I realized with J, the Tinderverse is no place for me.
My sarcasm is totally underappreciated there. And I can’t possibly be involved
with someone or someplace that doesn’t appreciate my smart mouth. So it is with
a heavy heart that I bid relinquish my residency in the Tinderverse. It’s been
real.
