Oh My Tinder Heart - Let the Shenanigans Begin!!

Oh My Tinder Heart 

Let the Shenanigans Begin

So I am all signed up. Let the shenanigans begin!!

I don’t know why I am so surprised at the number of married men on here looking for a little side action or the dudes with the topless faceless pictures talkin 'bout

I’m a sensitive man full of passion and romance and I am just looking for a special lady to pour a lifetime of beauty, passion and pleasure into, if only for one night.

Really dude, really. That’s your line? Then again a lifetime of passion in one night does sound kind of intense. Right? But if you pour it all out in one night, what do you do for the rest of your life. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life pining over passion I can never have again. That sounds like any woman that agrees is setting herself up for a lifetime of disappointment. Nah, man, sounds to risky for me.

And I am sure by now you have assessed the flaw in my personality. I am a smartass. 

Then I got my first match! I was super excited. He even messaged me right away. I had my guard up after a quick tinder tutoring session with one of my online dating expert friends but this guy seemed pretty normal so okay.

 It all started with a Hello Beautiful

Whaaat, he thinks I’m beautiful. Well I better answer him.

Hello, how are you?

I am doing much better now that I am talking to you

Now see, I know this is cheesy and probably all game but wtfrack! I’m on here and the deal was to go hard so here I go.

I’m glad I could help improve your day. That was cheesy too. Wait, am I flirting. I think that counts as flirting. Okay let’s see where this thing goes. Cause Imma flirt.

I love your smile. I can practically hear you laughing through the picture.

Woot Woot, that was a good one. Okay. okay. I see you dude.

That was a good one. How is your day by the way? Are you doing anything fun and exciting?

Unfortunately I can’t do what I want to do.

Now this is the point where if this were a horror film I would be yelling at the chick “Don’t go in there you dumb chick!! The killer is in there behind the door!!” Knowing full well she is going to go into the room because she has to. If she doesn't go into the room the movie doesn't move forward. She doesn’t know the killer is in the other room waiting for her. And in this case I didn't know either, so I say…

What is it you want to do? (You know what’s coming)

You.

Wait, what? You want to be doing me? You don’t even know me.

What better way to get to know each other?

That is an ineffective way to get to know one another but I think there are some other women on the site that are much better suited to meet your needs.

I am sure you could meet every one of my needs.

Oh, we’re talking about capabilities. My bad.

What do you mean capabilities?

As in if I am capable of meeting your needs. That’s what we’re talking about. Right?

I think you should come over right now. I am so hard.

How long have you been hard?

Since I first saw your picture.

Well if it persists for more than four hours I think you should call a doctor.

A doctor? You should come over and be my doctor.

Night Nurse?

What is night nurse?

Like the Gregory Isaac’s song. Night nurse… Only you alone can quench this here thirst.

I don’t know this song.

You should it’s a really good song. You don’t listen to reggae?

No.

What kind of music do you listen to?

I don’t want to listen to music, I want to listen to you.

I sing pretty well but I’m no Gregory Isaacs.

Are you going to come over?

Why?

Because I’m hard for you.

Still? We’ve been chatting for awhile. Maybe you should contact a doctor.

I never heard from him again. Maybe it was something I said.