Oh, My Tinder Heart - My First D*ck Pic

Oh My Tinder Heart

My first d*ck pic

So I guess it’s official. I am officially a member of the female online dating community!! I got my first D*CK PIC!!

 I just want to say thank you to all of the ladies that prepared me for this moment. Without their suggestions and tutelage and preparation I know that I wouldn’t have been ready for this my official welcome into the community. I also want to extend a special thank you to the “gentleman” that sent me the unsolicited d*ck pic. (Which of course makes me wonder… Who asks for a d*ck pic? I mean really under what circumstances would this be a desirable thing to obtain and for what use?)

Now I know this type of thing happens. I see the post and hear the stories and I had been warned several times that it was inevitable. But truthfully nothing really prepares you for that moment when you get the notification on your phone that says you have a message. There’s that little surge of excitement and anticipation. Because quite honestly the message could be saying anything or nothing at all but with all the possibilities and all the warnings I just. Wasn't. Ready.

SO I open the message and there it is. At first I wasn’t sure what I was looking at, I guess the angle was weird. I don’t really know. And my mind just wasn’t processing what it was seeing. And since there was jewelry dangling from the tip I… I just didn’t know what it was. Yeah, that’s right, I said jewelry. There was jewelry hanging from the tip of it. At first I was trying to figure out if it was a butterfly or something but it was just some sort of ball with a bar or something around it.

Once I figured it out what I was seeing my first reaction was laughter. I know I should say I was totally disgusted but the truth is I thought it was funny. And the poor thing just look sad, hanging there in low light impaled by a gold bar and a ball dangling from it. It looked tired and defeated and for some reason I thought that was amusing.

When you think about it… Who does that? I mean really, shouldn’t there be some sort of etiquette to this? I mean talk about icebreaker. No hello, how ya doin? Just “Hey, here's my junk with a pretty little jewel in it”

There are a variety of questions running through my mind at this point. When in a situation like this what’s my next move? What is the proper response to this type of solicitation? Is that even the proper term for this type of thing? What do you say “Thank You”. I know what you’re thinking… You’re thinking “I bet she responded” not gonna lie I really wanted to ask. I wanted to send him a message asking him if this is his normal opener and how do women normally respond but I didn’t. Then I thought I should send him a meme, cause I love a good meme and I had two really good ones. One is a creepy looking guy pointing at the camera shouting “UNCLEAN!!” and the other one is Ned Flanders from The Simpson’s in a window with a little bity sign that says “Christ is watching” See, aren’t you proud of me? I didn’t ask him. I can be mature.

I let it go. Well not before I sent it to a couple of my friends. And we laughed! And laughed and laughed.

So a word of caution to those guys who send random pics of their junk to unsuspecting women, I know you’re proud of it and probably have been since you discovered it in your youth but everything isn’t for everybody. At the very least wait until she ask or offer and if she confirms then send it. But don’t just go sending out those things all willy-nilly. Don’t go assaulting women with your privates. Some things should remain private.